A Simple Way to Reclaim Control
you can train your body to let go
We’re all told to control our lives, our bodies, our futures. And it makes sense, right? Control feels safe. It feels like the answer to keeping things in order.
But here's what I’ve learned: control doesn’t always bring peace. Sometimes, it brings tension.
A few years ago, I started getting massages. At first, it was about relaxation, spending time at the spa, unwinding... But over time, something shifted. I realized my body was holding onto tension I didn’t even know was there. So I started going for actual massage therapy.
During one of my sessions, my massage therapist noticed something: every time he tried to adjust my arm or leg, I would instinctively try to control it. Even though I had come to relax, my body wouldn’t let go.
He paused, looked at me, and said, “You’re fighting me. You’re holding on when you don’t need to. But here’s the thing—if you tense up while I work on you, it’s only going to hurt more later.”
I didn’t understand what he meant at first. But then he did something unexpected. He bunched up a part of the sheet and placed it in my hand.
“If you feel like you need to control something, hold onto this instead.”
I took the sheet in my grip, and something strange happened. I felt my body soften. My muscles let go. The tension I had been carrying, without even realizing it, started to dissolve.
It was a simple shift, but a profound one. That moment taught me something I hadn’t been able to grasp before.
The need to control creates resistance. And resistance creates pain.
My therapist wasn’t just talking about my muscles, he was talking about life.
We all do this. We try to hold things exactly how we think they should be. We resist movement, change, or surrender because we believe control is the only way to feel safe. But that resistance? That’s where the tension builds.
The paradox is that the more we fight for control, the less we actually have.
What Your Body Knows (Even When You Don’t)
This isn’t just a mindset shift, it’s biological.
In the book, The Body Keeps the Score, psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk explains how stress, trauma, and emotions don’t just live in the mind, they live in the body. When we don’t process emotions properly, they get stored in our muscles, fascia, and nervous system.
Have you ever felt a tight jaw when you’re angry? A stiff neck when you’re overwhelmed? A gut feeling when something feels off? That’s your body remembering and responding, whether you’re aware of it or not.
Left unchecked, this stored tension can manifest as chronic pain, anxiety, or even burnout. But here’s the good news: you can train your body to let go.
Your Takeaway for This Week
Instead of tightening up when life gets chaotic, try releasing control.
Start by simply noticing where you’re holding tension in your body, whether it’s your shoulders, your jaw, your breath.
Once you identify it, take a conscious moment to let go. Maybe it’s by unclenching your jaw, rolling back your shoulders, or even mentally releasing something you’ve been gripping too tightly.
This is a practice. It’s not about fixing everything at once. It’s about learning how to move through life with less resistance and more flow.
I challenge you to take this week to notice where you’re holding tension and begin practicing small releases.
Letting go isn’t weak, it’s freeing.
This is one of the ways we begin to maximize our existence.
Natalie
Editor-In-Chief, thedweller.co
Love this